Summer goals

I'm a little late (better late than never!), but I'm collecting a list of my Mommy-and-May goals for this summer. Though it's gonna be a short one (boo on you, Chemistry!), I am determined to fit it all in. I'm not saying I'm Supermom, I'm just saying that Supermom and I have never been seen in the same room.

• Montour preserve (flat land hikes are easier on both mama and child)
• Creek studies, 'cause little creatures are COOL. And even cooler when they live in the water.
• Yoga for kids, partially because I know it's good for kids' brain development/health, and mostly because I want to buy this adorable little yoga mat.
• Bike rides with the child trailer. Yeah, I don't know what that thing is really called.
• Ballet lessons. This is happening because we're signing her up for classes tonight!
• Swimming lessons, continued.
• BEACH! (next week!!!) and hopefully the aquarium because that's all May has been talking about for weeks.
• Library visits (I guess I should pay for that book that I lost....)

My own personal goals include cooking more and whining less (not about cooking, just in general). I also hope to read more. If you're interested in the things I've been reading lately, you should checkout my handy book review website. I made that for one of my classes. While you're at it, you should scroll over the images of the books because it took me hours to figure out that jQuery effect. Which reminds me, my actual biggest goal for the summer is to finish my own personal website. I'm almost there. I did have something started but I hated it. So I started from scratch and should be done soon.

That's about it in the life of me.

xo

Saturday Morning Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot lately. I guess that's not so out of the ordinary for me. I've always got a million things flowing through my brain. But lately I can't stop thinking about the future. Trying to picture myself in five years. Or even just a year from now. Things are definitely on the brink of changing. And while I'm a big wuss about change, I'm getting excited. It's like a big pit of nervousness and self-doubt in my stomach, mixed with the occasional burst of empowerment.

Apparently, as an almost-college-graduate, we're not allowed to talk about how scared we are. I never hear anyone else talk about it, anyway. So I'll be frank: I'm scared to death. Of failure. Of mediocrity. Of not getting to do what I want to do. Of taking a job that I hate just because I need the money or not being able to find a job and being broke and not being able to support my daughter while I watch the college loans pile up. There's lots to be worried about, if you ask me. So who knows which is better: denial or preparation. I'm trying to figure that one out.

I watched Jobs last night and I was actually really disappointed. Not by the movie, but by Steve Jobs himself. But the whole time I was watching it I was thinking, "this is what I want." Not to be a a total self-absorbed jerk like he was. But to do something big with my life. I want to change lives. I want to make something great. Make something different. Think harder, work harder and get back to being the creative little girl that I used to be.

When I was a kid, everyone was always telling me how "creative" I was. One of the problems, I guess, is that "creative" can mean a lot of different things for different people. But I think that, in school, we are "un-taught" our creativity. I know I lost mine in public school. I want it back. Luckily, I don't think that it's a natural-born trait really at all. I think that creativity is practiced. So, that's my goal. To practice being creative. Be my own person. That can be such a struggle for me, especially as a mother. It's like when you become a mother, every other mother in the tri-county area automatically assumes that they have free reign to judge your parenting. Oh, you let your child play in the dirt? Oh, you don't let your child play in the dirt? Oh, you let your child scream in the grocery store? Oh, you discipline your child in the grocery store? You never win when you're letting other people tell you how to be a parent. Or a student. Or an employee. Or how to be you.

So don't. Just let it all go. I don't know if I myself will ever be able to. It's the great struggle. But when we do, we can do great things.
And that's all I want for myself. I just want to be able to wake up every day knowing that I am working hard in everything that I do. Even if I never get anywhere "important" or own a big corporation, I just want to know that I am doing the best that I can and that I am being the best me.

Seis de Mayo

The semester is finally winding down and thank goodness for that. I was dangerously close to losing all of my marbles. Although, after Friday I will only have one summer class and one semester left! If we're going to be honest, it's terrifying. Grown-up jobs. And more importantly, dreaded job interviews.

I keep typing up blog posts only to realize that I am too extremely lame to read about. I really just spend my days coding and watching Frozen, longing for the sunshine and outdoors. I was really excited to buy a bike that doesn't hurt my back to ride with my tax return money until I realized that I had to spend my entire tax return paying for my summer class. To make it worse, it's Chemistry! I'm actually paying to take Chemistry. It's an outrage. Oh, the silly things we do for a degree.

After work, Jason and I are taking May to the park to play some wiffle ball. On my way out the door, I realized I grabbed one of Maylene's plastic eggs from her kitchen instead of a wiffle ball. Great catch, mom. J broke his toe so he's just going to be our umpire, I've decided.

As we're starting to see more sunshine, May is getting more freckles! They're my favorite. Yesterday she said, "You're the most perfect mommy ever!" I'm writing this down as proof for her teenage years. I have a feeling they're going to be a doozy.

My lil' freckle face

xoxo

Health Foodie

I've been trying desperately to eat healthier lately. Healthy can easily start to feel boring and/or monotonous and/or time consuming. It can be.. but I think the key is to switch it up and try new things. Believe it or not, Instagram is my favorite source for healthy recipes, clean eating and what not. I have tried a few recipes from some different accounts on there and they have been super simple, straight forward and fun to try. Also, most importantly, tasty. I've resolved only to eat healthier if I can find healthy things that taste GOOD. Life is too short to be chomping on celery all day. Unless, of course, you like celery. Then have at it. I ain't about that plain celery life, though.

Today I made rutabaga fries. First of all, it took me half an hour to find a rutabaga in Giant. They were literally the VERY last vegetable (apparently, they're in the root family) on the VERY last shelf next to the deli meats, in case you ever have to look. They're pretty large and not too visually appealing.

On a side note, when I was pregnant I remember my daily "pregnancy updater" telling me at one point that my baby was the size of a rutabaga. So, if your unborn child is ever compared to a rutabaga, now you know how big that is. Since I certainly didn't at the time. Come on, they couldn't say coconut? Or onion?

I had to Google how to actually prep the rutabaga (just had to peel and spear them) and after that it was incredibly easy. 1 tablespoon olive oil, 2 teaspoons paprika, 1 teaspoon garlic powder and a dash of salt and pepper.

They came out tasting good, somewhat similar tasting to sweet potato fries (more like that than a normal fry). I did struggle a little bit with making them as crunchy as I wanted. I'm sure if I had the patience I could have gotten them to the crunchiness of my liking. But I, of course, probably have less patience than my 3 year old, especially when it comes to food and eating. I took them out and enjoyed them. May took a bite and spit them out. You win some, you lose some.

Not all of my attempts are failures, believe it or not. We made pumpkin spice smoothies yesterday (pumpkin puree, greek yogurt, banana, protein powder and almond milk) and she loved it!
So, my task for all of you is: if you have any delicious, healthy and/or quick recipes for me to try, PLEASE send them to me! I need suggestions!

"It"

One of my classmates was giving a presentation today and he was talking about how he blocks all pictures of mothers with their babies on Facebook because he doesn't want to look at them. Then, right away pointed at me and said, "Sorry, no offense." Of course, the first thing I felt, naturally, was offended. I don't even know this kid, he's not my friend on Facebook. Am I that transparent?

Of course, as all of you know, I am that mom. Loud and proud. A constant stream in your newsfeed of daily toddler outfits, meals and activities. Though, I haven't stooped to bowel movement updates just yet.

This is my biggest struggle with being a 24 year old undergrad. I feel like I am surrounded by lots of kids who just don't get it. When I say "it," I mean what life is all about. I understand. By no means do I think that everyone is meant to have children or be a parent, especially if they're still in college. For me, the moment I got "it" was the moment I found out I was pregnant. It doesn't have to be that for everyone. It's just that moment when you realize life is about more than yourself.

There's this huge movement lately about being "selfish in your 20s" and "put yourself first" and blah blah blah. I am here to tell you that it's a bunch of crap.

Disclaimer: Anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm completely selfish. I know it. I also put my wants and needs first all the time. I fail. Tons.

I am not writing this in order to say that I am the almighty perfection. If you don't like baby pictures, that's okay, you don't have to! I wasn't even much of a kid person before I had one. I just wish that I could relay to everyone (in the universe, ever) before they waste lots of time, that true life fulfillment is in finding that "thing." Finding that thing that goes beyond yourself. Affecting someone else's life. Whether it's being a parent or a doggy trainer (I didn't say it had to be a human life!) or tutoring or saying hi to that kid who doesn't have many friends or making a stranger's day.

Just, please, take it from the queen of selfishness, being selfish is never going to fulfill your life or give you lasting happiness. Life is too short to take too many years to realize this. Kindness and love--they're contagious! Spread it around. Don't belittle people just because they post a million pictures of their kid or cat or niece.

And if you are a parent, I am here to say: YOU GO, GIRL! or YOU GO, MAN! It is the most amazing gift. It has become so belittled. But what parents do, it's truly amazing. Teaching, inspiring, working, making so many sacrifices, molding these purest of little minds to become our future. It is my favorite thing about living and I'm gonna keep on shouting it to the world.

Happy Days

This is how we feel about Wednesdays

For everyone who has been anxiously waiting for an update on my life: today is the day.

Life is fabulous. I feel great and I'm glad that I have an opportunity right now to record my glee. Especially since I normally only write when I'm whining. What can I say, it's a great release.

Things are going really well right now. The semester is flying on by. I'm taking my Senior Capstone class and while I am a tad nervous about it, I'm also really excited to be making a fancy (pink, glitter and all!) website for a hair blow dry bar. Perfect for me, right?!

As part of her homework, Maylene and I made and decorated a princess snowman for her class last night. Making her a princess was May's idea, surprisingly. We had a blast. Also, glitter everywhere. Mama wasn't mad.

I've started going back to the gym. Everyday, that is. Not just whenever the wind blows the right way, which is what I had been doing. My energy has improved. Exponentially. I've been reading The Goldfinch for the last month. Longest book ever. But it's also fantastic. Divergent is next on my list.

I'm so excited because I actually ended up getting (almost) everything on my birthday wishlist! I swear I wasn't actually pleading for people to buy me that stuff. I just really like to write lists. People are too kind. My mom got me new sneakers and a car clean-out for my birthday, Sam and Jordyn got me, not only inDesign, but the entire CS6! I finally got my roots done. All that's left is infinite amounts of gas. I'm waiting. Jason says I should ask for a Lamborghini. I am dying for a macaron order from Dana's Bakery, though, on my Blair Waldorf tip.

I will leave you with this quote, "I 'm going to succeed because I'm crazy enough to think I can."

PMA

It's the second week back to classes and I've decided that my number one goal for this semester is to stay positive. With a rough start back (my car is broken and I'm just getting over an intense stomach flu), that is proving to be a little bit of a challenge, but you can't hold me down!

As dorky as it is, I love this stuff. School, that is. And everything I'm learning right now is so exciting to me. Javascript, jQuery, mobile jQuery, Phonegap, more PHP and more MySQL! It's just a shame that I have spent so much of my school career being grumpy from all of the stress.

I quit Facebook for a few weeks to try to get rid of the excess, unnecessary stuff in my life. And it helped a lot. I've returned now because my birthday's coming up and I wouldn't want anyone to forget it (See birthday wishlist below). Also, I realized that no one would read my blog if I didn't share it on Facebook. So there's that.

But I think it's something that everyone should do. If not indefinitely, then at least for a few days. I just needed that time to straighten out my priorities. And read books. And cook dinner. And build block towers with Maylene. And whatnot.

I have grown up with social media. First it was AIM (sugarNspikes458.. lolz), then it was MySpace and LiveJournal. Now it's Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr and BASICALLY IT NEVER ENDS. I let it consume my life. And define me. If people on Facebook like my pictures, then that means I'm a great person, right? Totally wrong! I wasn't happy with myself.

Anyways, I'm cutting back significantly because my time with my family is precious and they deserve my attention more than an acquaintance of mine liking my status. That doesn't validate who I am.

But! I'm always looking for more friends or for acquaintances to turn into friends, so if anyone would like to call me up or hang out. I'm down! I'm really missing having some friends to talk to in my life. Maylene likes friends, too!

End rant. On to my birthday wishlist (in no particular order):
1. InDesign
2. New sneakers.. mine are worn out and giving me mad blisters :(
3. A hair appointment for my roots to be done. Man, they look awful.
4. An infinite amount of gas for my car
5. My car to be vacuumed and shampooed.

By the way, Jason bought us internet! He's the greatest! It's very surreal.

And I'll leave you with this conversation that I just heard.....
May: "You can have one of my marshmallows!"
Jason: "Thank you for sharing! You have a great heart."
May: "You have a great head!"