Confessions of a Single Mom

According to my anxiety therapist, I'm supposed to be doing this thing where I actually give myself some credit as a mother and recognize the good things that I do. So I'm going to go ahead and toot my own horn for a minute: I haven't been doing so bad. I'm balancing full-time school--mind you, I overload on credits, so I'm actually taking more classes than the average student, part-time work, an internship AND, most importantly, single motherhood. Lately, my patience has improved. I'm not raising my voice or yelling. It's been several months since I've had to carry May sideways out of a store kicking and screaming. Most of my evenings are spent having long, fun conversations with May, reading books to her and/or going on one of our very special Starbucks dates. May is extremely intelligent and, for the majority of the time, she's sweethearted and kind to others. Come December, I will be part of the 1% of single mothers who earn a Bachelor's Degree. One percent! That's gotta mean I'm doing something alright, right?

Though mostly content with the person I have grown to be since becoming a mother, I'm not going to pretend like I don't have some major flaws. Here are a few confessions I have about my motherhood:

1. I make grilled cheese way too often.

2. I make PB&J way too often.

3. If May picks out a super long bedtime story, sometimes I summarize it & make up my own words instead of actually reading it.

4. I make hot dogs way too often.

5. I've used junk food to bribe her.

6. I'm always distracted at home with all the STUFF I have to do.

7. I feel guilty because I feel like we are always in a hurry to be somewhere.

8. I hate that the majority of "school type" things she has learned have been from her teachers and not from me.

9. I get frustrated way too easily. And when I'm in a bad mood I often take things out on her.

10. I hate how many times I've had to stick her in front of the TV in order to get things done.

11. Because she has been able to communicate well since she was so young, I often think of her as being older than she actually is. And my expectations are a little too high for her age.

12. I hate that my going to school has taken away so much of my time and energy with her.

13. No matter what I do, I never feel like I'm doing enough. It's just one of those things.