I look at my Facebook memories and I see 9+ years. But 9+ years of what? At first, MySpace and Facebook were a fun addition to life. I could chat with friends after I came home from school. I could share pictures and, at first, it felt like a way I could say the things I didn't have the courage to say in person.
But now, it just feels like a facade that I hide behind. Bluntly, social media has been devastating to my anxiety, depression, self-esteem and confidence. It has been devastating because I have allowed it to be.
I need some time to get away and clear my mind, so I am signing off for a bit. I need my real life back. I need myself back.
Likes do not make me a good person.
A beautiful face, a beautiful picture do not equate to a beautiful soul.
Arguing over issues from behind a keyboard has not changed anyone's mind in the history of EVER.
I am still passionate about the issues and movements that mean a lot to me, but I have been using the wrong platform.
Posting a status about it does not help the problem.
Gloating about my accomplishments and receiving "cyber praise" does not make me feel better about who I am.
Comparing myself to other mothers online does not make me a better mother.
It is a platform that is meant to show the surface, but I long for the depths of life.
We all have good intentions. But for me, it has been destructive. And I need a break. I long for more friendships. True, wholesome, raw friendships and relationships. I have unknowingly and unintentionally consumed my life with a social platform that has brought very little positivity into my life. I have used it as a crutch for my general and social anxiety for far too long. And now I feel that I can't get those years back.
Please call me, please text me, please show up to my house. If you run into me, please come up and chat. Please hang out with me. I want the realness and rawness back in my life.
I'm ready for a change.
